Being a Graceful Woman | Working Woman Wednesday {8}

Posted on July 22, 2016 by Ntha

I have been going through my old work.

I am in the process of shutting down all my old blogs (finally) and merging them all into one (Ntha). I think 23 is off to a good start, hey?

That said, I will be sharing my (obviously edited) old work here. I think looking back at my old articles,and not feeling the need to change much makes,me feel that I am a little consistent with my views – that of course leaving some room for growth.

I have grown lot since I wrote these articles, but I feel that 21 year-old Ntha still has a right to getting her views heard, so I will not over-edit these posts.

The #NickiHateTrain got me thinking about a particular article from my old blog that was published at an event where I did my first big public speech in October, 2016. It was very a lovely event where I challenged myself, and also learnt a lot.

Let’s begin by defining grace.

Grace

Google

Grace (AKA Dignity/ Poise): Elegance and Class.

Webster’s

Grace: Beauty of form

Elegance: Tastefully luxurious.

How people define grace when it comes to a woman:

“A closed mouth”.

“A little less action”.

“A little more doing nothing”.

Late 2016, for a good few months I battled with my voice and my opinions. Anyone that knows me knows I am a very opinionated woman. Balancing maintaining my opinions and fights while trying to still be viewed as the same classy, elegant and graceful woman then was not as easy as I’d hoped.

If you know me, you also know I don’t possess the blessing of a loud or a strong voice. However, I have been told more than a few times to “soften my tone” or to “lower my voice” or to “not speak at all”. To simply be a little more “feminine and a little more graceful”.

Back then, I still had a few things to prove so I was a little shaken up by this. For a short while I did what I thought was best. I learnt to shut up. I learnt to close my eyes – to look away. I learnt to close my ears, to hear less. In doing this, I learnt how to close my mouth. I learnt to look away from everything that could trigger any anger and an opinion out of me. Between you and I; it was killing me!

Seeing Nicki going, as people are saying, ‘crazy’, on Twitter, reminded me of those days. I know keeping my mouth shut for even just a little while had me going insane, and I can only imagine what not being able to say how you really feel even when you are constantly being dragged by your industry and the media, for 10 years, can make you feel.

As a Barb of 9 years now, I obviously had to take a stand with my Queen. She may be out of line at times (Subjectively) but she has every right to say exactly what it is that she feels.

It is almost ridiculous when I hear people say “A queen does not act like that”. It at times has me questioning which queens you people know. The baddest queens in history caused serious hell and havock on whoever came for them. That IS how queens and kings act!

Some have gone to the extents of comparing her to Beyonce, due to the said “queen” status. This is the same Beyonce that people come at for not showing enough emotion and being rather robotic. I have nothing against Bey. Each to his (or in this case, her) own. I just respect Nicki for having – and more importantly expressing her opinions (Finally!)

I remember last year as Miss Malawi First Princess, and I was always pressed for not being as graceful as the then, Miss Malawi. I have a lot of respect for her as a person, but we simply are in no way similar. Other women can handle their grace and poise, but the rest of us could care less. We simply just want to be heard, and more importantly respected!

I have a lot of opinions about the world. I have a lot of anger in me, good anger; anger aimed at advocating for change. I am only angry at things that I truly believe from my heart are not good, need to be changed and need to be better. My silence may be the silence of just one woman, but it may be causing more “inaction” that is way more problematic than the damage my “voice” could ever erupt.

I could be a graceful woman by the world’s definition. I could speak less, do less and be nothing. That’s very easy. I could shut up, do my make up and just dress fancy, I could have no voice. However, voluntarily losing your voice is injustice to you and everyone you represent – everyone that looks up to you.

I could have power, I could have money, that is all very temporary. It means nothing if I have no passion. Having a passion, believing in something and fighting for it, that is unending impact.

I have bigger dreams. I want to leave my footprint on the sands of time (Hey Beyhive!). I want to be remembered. I want fight for something that lasts forever. I want to create something that is timeless. I want my name to go down in history for something more than being “a graceful woman”.

So here I stand, a woman – a queen, strong-willed, opinionated and ready to advocate for change. I am graceful and I am strong. That is who I am. I do not have to quiet down, I do not have to simmer down my opinions to be considered graceful. Standing up for something does not take away my grace and elegance.

Because as a woman, this voice is all I have, all I need to make a difference.

“If you still have your voice, then you still have everything.” And if you’ve lost your voice, you have lost everything.

I hope you never lose your voice. I hope you never stop protesting against what you feel is wrong. I hope you never stop speaking up for what you believe in. I hope you never stop being something, to become someone’s idea of “class” or “elegance”. This world needs change more than it needs beautiful graceful women. This world needs more women of substance.