“Vagina is not a bad word” is Tamiwe’s most recent work. A 20 year old writer from Malawi, she studied development communications at Lilongwe University of Agriculture and Natural Resources – Bunda College.
On the first day we met in person, she was not wearing a bra. She stands behind the #FreeTheNipple movement fully, and has not worn a bra in 3 years!
“My mother is always on my case about not wearing a bra.
‘Tavalaniko bra inu. Pa mtima pazikhalako nju!’ she often says when she notices me without one.
Personally I just can’t.
At first, I had a phase where I wanted bigger breasts. I owned some padded push-up bras. They were so uncomfortable, and I started asking myself why I was selling such dreams!
Bras are mentally taxing. The relief that women feel when they get home and take them off! I am naturally small, I do not need the support.
When I was in third year, I just stopped wearing bras. You get so many looks, especially when it’s cold, and your nipples are standing. We all know there’s breasts on my chest, but somehow get surprised when you see them.
My breasts are not harming anyone just because they are not in a bra!
Even if I ever have kids, I will likely never wear bras again”.
Currently, she says she is writing for money. She just registered her writing consultancy “Kuwala Media Solutions”, which writes proposals, grants, media, success story documentations and more. She hopes to branch into film and documentary creation. She aspires to write about travel and culture someday.
She is quite specific when she talks about writing for money – because “When people ask you about what you do – they would like to know how you make a living; what makes you money.”
She ordered her ice-cream in a cup, not corn – which I found a rather odd choice. As my ice-cream started to melt, she commented that was the very reason she buys her ice-cream in a cup, because it leaves her no hassle.
She published “Vagina is not a bad word” in 2019.
She had attended “Feminatti” as hosted by Zilanie and Shanice in April; where she met a lot of bold women, and was quite surprised with how candid and honest the body-positive dialogue was.
“People were actually being very honest. One lady talked about how sometimes she does not like her stretchmarks. The conversation circled around how self-love does not always mean that you will like everything about yourself.
People started talking about sex. People talk about sex a lot, but they are not rarely that candid and honest about it.
There were young people, but there were also older people.
One 26 year old girl talked about how she has never orgasmed from any kind sex; and people started sharing what makes them orgasm.
The word “Vagina” kept coming up, and that was the most I had heard the word vagina in one space. I had gone with my friend, Chanju, and we were quite shy.
I got home, and for the first time thought about how I could write about vaginas.”
Initially, she called her body of work “Vagina”, but felt something was missing. She changed it to “Vagina is a good word”, but later settled on “Vagina is not a bad word.”
“This was so hard for me to write. I wasn’t sure if I was informed enough to write about this.
The first poem I wrote is on page three – about how they make the vernacular words for “Vagina” sound like an insult.
I was thinking about how growing up; vaginas were always referred to as “Ukuku” and “Ukoko”.
My mom is a nurse. She has been a midwife for over 15 years and you would expect that she be more comfortable talking about it – but she is not; at least not yet. Vaginas in society are seen as a hidden thing.”
Her mom has read her work.
“I sent it to her via WhatsApp, the day that it dropped. She was away in Zomba, and when she returned, she asked me what I had sent her, as she has not yet read it because she thought it was profanity.
I assured her to read it, and by midweek she told me she had started reading.
‘Ndawelenga chomwe mwatchulamo nyini chija. Nde zimenezi anthu akumaona?’
She wasn’t mad or anything; but I know that conversation is not yet over.
My 2 sisters have read the work.
My older sister loved it.
My little sister is 14, and I was not sure if I should send it to her.
I had posted it on my status, and she asked me to send her a copy. I sent it to her, and she sent me the side eyes emoji. I sent her side eyes back, and she responded by saying that since Vagina is not a bad word, she will start using it more now.
She later sent me screenshots of the poems that she’d liked. I would like to think that it has left a positive impact on her.
My dad has yet to read that work. He is not ready, at all! He needs about 3 or 5 more months.”
She finished University August of 2017, and had already applied for her Masters’ Degree. She had gotten accepted too, but could not find the money and sponsorship. She spoke of her insecurities and pacing herself.
“I had a set plan. I had a 5 year plan. I used to tell myself that by 20 I would have my masters. Where am I now?
At the same time, I am kind of glad it did not work out. What I wanted to then is not what I want to do now.”
Finding her place, and voice, has also not been an easy task.
“When you tell people you write poetry, their instinct is that you do spoken word. I tried it for a while, but if I am being honest, that is not my space at all!
Spoken word is a whole other craft. Writing for Spoken word is quite different, and the more I tried to fit, the more I frustrated myself.
I told myself to find my own lane, and succeed in that lane. I can do poetry reading now, but it is not exactly spoken word.”
She has digitally published 3 three poetry collections; and is currently trying to get them physically published.
She describes herself as a shy person.
“I’m really not a people person. I’m a middle child, and I always have trouble being social with people I am meeting for the first time. I have trouble putting myself out there. It took me so long to actually start putting my poetry out there for people to read. Throughout college – the only person who read my poems was my best friend Thandi. That’s it.
I fear that my work is not good enough, and wonder if people would actually like to hear this.
I keep asking myself who my work is for – but I am really breaking out of my shell more, reclaiming my voice, and figuring out what I want that voice to be.
My first two collections were about love, and feminism, because I thought that is what people want to hear.
The third one was me asking myself what I actually want to say, why I am saying it, and why it is important that it be said. I found my voice and footing a bit more, which is why it was the scariest one for me. I was not sure if people would attack me.”
On reviews, she says that people rarely give you bad reviews to your face.
“Everyone who read kept telling me how ‘it’s great’, ‘it’s fire’.
To grow, however, you need the constructive criticism. It’s not that I want people to come and tell me how they hate my book, but I would love some constructive criticism.
I am planning to have a public poetry reading soon.”
She is passionate about working with special needs kids.
“There isn’t much space for people with mental disorders. We always just brush things of, and leave them undiagnosed. It is not a field I am an expert in, but it something I would love to learn more about.”
Tamiwe is a very diverse little lady – figuring out who she is going to be.
“Sexuality is a spectrum. It is something I am still figuring out for myself. I like girls, I think girls are beautiful. I have a hard time liking guys. I have a boyfriend – he is amazing and I love him; but I would be lying if I said I do not sometimes find women attractive. I have never dated a girl. If I was no in Malawi, I have likely explored it. I would probably cancel men.”
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