The Science behind “Jealousy” | Using it as motivational tool

By Kate

In one of my recent posts, about social media, I discussed how mental health issues are not only caused by trolling but also by the need to compare one’s life from the ones we see on the internet. Many people see that someone is doing great in their life and feel very jealous of the person.

So how about we talk about it in this post? What is jealous really?

Jealous has been defined as a feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages. It is best summed up as ‘I want what you have’. Someone achieves something that you have always wanted to achieve or someone manages to get something and you think that they didn’t deserve it. In such cases know that a big part of the problem lies within you and not the person you are jealous of.

As human beings we all have felt jealous about someone before. It has been experienced in romantic relationships, among siblings, co-workers, friendships and so on. However this emotion mostly portrays lack of self-confidence, poor self-image, fear and insecurity. On a more negative side it leaves one bitter and not in a very good state mentally.

Seeing that we cannot run away from this emotion, but we can turn it into motivation and save ourselves all the agony. This can be very hard if you are someone who doesn’t like learning from other people’s success. But as I have stated jealous is a complex emotion that causes you more self-damage than the one you are jealous of.

So here is a list of 3 things that can help you, turn jealous into motivation and help you support others than tearing people down.

1. Start working on yourself

Sometimes we feel like other people are having an easy time making things happen, while we seem to be stack up. Well here’s what you don’t know, everyone is fighting a battle out there, no matter how green their grass seem to appear. The only difference is that they are working on themselves while you are busy resenting them for their achievements. That is how you find yourself asking ‘Why them and not me?’ The thing with achieving goals is that it doesn’t happen right away, and working on you is a very good place to start. Instead of using the internet to check on other people’s progress try searching for things that will benefit your skills and dreams.

2. Recognize all their hard work

Whether we like it or not, some people are naturally talented. But most of us, we have to work so hard if we want to nurture a skill or have some type of success. I remember how it took me 3 months to play my violin well and took my brother only 2 weeks to finely play his trumpet. I felt so jealous about him being so magically good at music, but after I went and asked him how he managed to master the entire notation and the keys on the trumpet, he said he had been studying notation all night and going to trumpet practices 2 hours earlier every day. So you see we hate people for their success without knowing how hard they have worked for it.

3. Turn your jealous into admiration

It is not as easy as it may seem or sound but you will benefit a lot from admiration that jealousy. Gather your courage approach them and ask how they have achieved their goals, ask where they have slipped on their path, ask whatever you may and you will be surprised how much you will learn from them. You will find out that they are not as bad as you thought. In the end you will build a positive connection with them and rid yourself of any mental torments that comes with jealousy.

Someone said they are two types of pains, one that hurts you and the other that changes you. I can say the same thing about jealousy, you can choose to let it bring you down or to build you up.

Until next time,

Kate.