Hey loves
For once my calling you loves fits. Aha. Gotta love the month of love.
It’s love month to me – Valentine’s day is coming up and I’m feeling all sorts of love vibes. Not just any type of love, healthy love! I’m here for the healthy love. And no, I am not in love. I wish – not really. No. I have only ever celebrated valentines day witha lover once in my life and I am in no way sad about it. I am in a space where I am content with everything and everyone I’ve got right now. I’ve got love all around me and I’m happy.
Man I’ve got to admit I have struggled with being my truest self as a blogger and I’m really excited to be free, to be me again.
As bloggers we get the pressure of wanting to be like that blogger that seems really fly or sounding really flat and emotionless cause that seems like the cool thing to do.
Me? I’m full of love bubbles and almost always high on emotion. I stopped apologising for it and I’m glad to just be me. I hope you are too ❤
I might even share my book here before I publish it. Yikes. Gear up.
Now about healthy love. I’ve been thinking about love. I love love. I even love the word love. When I say it I picture the word in red, spreading smiles and happiness wherever it chooses to pass through. Yeah I know you’re screaming “not always Ntha!” And that’s why I want us to talk about healthy love.
I’m not sure I can call myself a healthy lover – yet. I’ve got the theory dooown; yet to put into practice. So I guess I want to share with you my experience with /slash/ observation about healthy love.
As you are thinking about Valentine’s day, I hope you take some time to think about whether you are a healthy lover or not. Whether the love you have got is healthy or not. This is not only romantic love but also the friendships and associations you claim to “love”.
I base my definition of love on the bible:
“Love is patient, love is kind
Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud.
Love does not dihonor others, love is not selfseeking.
Love is not easily angered, love does not keep records of wrong.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, love always trusts.
Love always hopes, love always trusts”
– 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-
If I ever had some reservations about the bible, this here is not one. I believe this perfectly defines love.
When you have been through some hurt and heartbreak it is very easy to demonize love and run away from it as much as possible. Sometimes you don’t even have to try, it just happens naturally (been there 🙋). But I want to remind you that yes travel is amazing. Money is great (are you kidding me) and so are all of life’s wonders, but please darling don’t give up on love. Love still makes it all magical.
You still deserve love. A healthy love. I believe a healthy love is one that is patient and kind.
Love is not need.
Love is not want.
Love is not taking.
Love is selfseeking.
Love is not a “me” language.
Love is not about me me me.
No darling.
Love is giving.
Love is being there.
Love is showing up.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
And I know, yes. You once gave all of that good good love to a man that didn’t deserve it, to a man that wasn’t man enough to hold all your love. I want you to disassociate the definition of love with him. I want you to know love is still a magical, beautiful thing.
Speaking of healthy love – the last thing you need in your life is someone that is still searching. Someone that is still searching for themselves (you made that mistake before, didn’t you? We all have). The last thing you also wanna be in someone’s life is to be that for them.
In search of ourselves, we will go to great lengths to look for us in places we know greatly we won’t find ourselves. In the validation of multiple girls and boys. At the bottom of alcoholic drinks (I hear the girls go “yaaaaas”). In owning all the materialistic things in the world (and all the boys said amen!) In the long-distance travels across the world, the great jobs the money the houses the cars you name it. We will look for ourselves there until we accept it in our hearts to face our deepest fear – ourselves. You find that what you were always looking for was always right here, waiting for you to be brave enough to face it – yourself, your story.
Being with someone that still hasn’t met themselves deeply, will hurt you in ways unimaginable. It is not their intention to do so – not at the base of it anyway. They are simply trying to fill what they are still missing even with you present in their lives. They will do this at the expense of you emotions. They will risk hurting the very person they claim to love. They are not even able to give themselves fully to you because they are not yet full within. Got yourself complaining about “she/he doesnt give me enough attention” because chances are high you both are unhealthy lovers. You are demanding too much and he doesn’t have enough to give because you both haven’t met yourselves deeply. Unhealthy love, if you ask me.
And then some people never find themselves darling. Their own demons are too much, too harsh to face. They would rather live on the little fleeting thrills of life than have to face the demons that live within them. You ever wonder why some people can’t sit still with just themselves doing nothing? Their demons are too loud. They need the distractions. And yes even you as their lover are not enough.
Do yourself a favor in such a situation – do them a favor, Let. Them. Go. Let my people go. You do not need to resent them. No need to hate them. They are fighting a battle too. Leave them be and go face your own demons and perhaps your “need” to be with someone. Go and find out what’s within, that makes you scared of being alone. Only after that journey will you also be able to love healthily and let be.
I could go on, but I’ll stop here today. With these kind reminders:
You deserve a love that feels like home
A love that builds you up.
A love that gives you peace.
A love that makes you better.
A love that gives you no anxiety.
A love you can call home.
All my love,
Ntha x
P.S. how cute is my Valentine’s inspired outfit? Obviously everything was centred around the leggings.
Leggings and top are thrifted.
The top is from Ina’s shop in mangochi
The shades are Dior
And the shoes are from DTEL Fashion line.
Always about the balance.
I hope you have fun this Valentine’s day. (See I can’t even say the word without the color Red popping in my mind. Ugh).
Enjoy yourself – be it alone or with friends. Remember, love is still a magical and a beautiful thing. Celebrate it.
And if you’re lucky enough to have a healthy lover, where are they taking you or where are you taking them?
All my love,
Ntha
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