I posted this picture on my Instagram page last night with a caption that included the phrase “asshole clients” which, actually to my surprise, was met with ladies angrier than my clients offering me what they called advice without any attempt to hear my side of the story.
Of course I understood where they were coming from. Statements like “the client is always right” and “this is just unprofessional” were thrown around.
Initially I had planned to share with you my actual experience that I had yesterday as an entrepreneur. Before I proceed, let me clarify two points:
1. I do not need you to agree with me at any point in this post.
2. I am not fishing for advice from anyone.
I simply want to share my sentiments. I want to express freely how I felt. This I shared for someone that may relate somewhere. If you do not agree with me, I assure you there is no need to argue with me at all. Please take a deep breath and proceed to the next pressing matter in your life.
Now I am currently self-employed which means I work for myself. How I handle my personal business is obviously very different from how I will handle another person/company’s business if I were to be working for them. Working for someone else means that I have to adhere to their corporate image requirements, as I would expect the same from My own employees.
Down to business… as an entrepreneur I work with a LOT of people from different walks of life. This means that I meet some absolute sweethearts, some of the gentlest souls… also the mean ones and well sometimes just downright assholes (the self righteous screamed “don’t use that word!”) Well I did. Loosen up princess. If you have never met an asshole in your line of work, well give a sister a hook up! I want to be in your line of work!
There are several things I have learnt and I am still learning as an entrepreneur, and that is the main reason I started this segment… to share my mistakes with you so you don’t have to make the same ones I make.
We all work with people that make us want to stab them every once in a while. I choose to express how I feel about my people. Some choose to suppress those feelings in the name of professionalism. At the end of the day, to each, his own. I just choose to take the route that will not have me needing psychological therapy in a few years. To be honest I could care less anyone’s choice, so long as you are happy – and if your professionalism makes YOU happy then YOU do that. Please refrain from the need to make the whole world to dance to your beat.
My experience yesterday involved some clients that had asked me to do some work for them, refused to pay for the work (due to some office changes on their part) and then later on told me that I could in no way use the content I was initially… not only asked, but also authorised to produce… in any way. These negotiations had lasted almost 3 months (excluding the two I was out of the country) which mostly involved me trying to get any word from them and the usual “we will come back to you” response. That was an estimated 5 months of my being the beggar to be paid for work I was asked to do and of course them keeping me on hold and insulting my intelligence every now and then when I tried to negotiate further. Statements like “you should check yourself” were thrown around.
Now I was fine with them not paying for the work. My selfworth is too highly priced to beg someone to pay me for my talents I value as Godgiven. If they do not see it, someone else will. But to tell me that I cannot use content I spent days and money creating (and had even given permission/request to creation), well now I was screaming “assholes!”
I’m always amused to hear the self-righteous professionals that know exactly how to handle all situations diplomatically. One lady in her attempt at diplomacy went as far as saying “this is why you never make it to first place in anything you pursue”. Well so much for diplomacy mama. And all to a person that contributes in no way to your day to day life. I am still yet to understand why women always feel the need to tear down women they don’t know to feel better about themselves.
I spent the entirety of my day yesterday trying to figure out who had the right to do what in my creativity situation with my client… but in the end I chose to learn from it instead. Experience, greatest teacher!
Fact of the matter remains that people will piss you off in the professional world. People will be absolutely unreasonable and people will be people.
And if you ask me how you deal with people that make you scream “asshole!” inside?
The better part of me is telling me to tell you that you will have to rise above it… y’know right after you throw a tantrum, shout or even scream in their faces. If you’re like me you may even go into your car and cry just for a moment. Then after that, you rise above it! You some way somehow have to be the bigger person (screaming “why always me? Why not them?”) Because darling that is life!
But please hear this from me – whatever the circumstances, do not suppress your need to feel. Do not suppress your desire to express. Find your calm and process your thoughts. Speak out and make yourself heard. Say it out loud. If you are not yet that brave, write it out. Whatever your choice, express!
Do not keep up a facade of “professionalism” that will cause you to lash out at innocent souls that do not deserve your misdirected anger… be it your family, friends and at times strangers on the internet.
If someone has disappointed you, please let them know how they have made you feel. Make sure you communicate this with the utmost calmness so they can really understand your message. People may not always understand at first glance but we are all human and sit down to reflect on what we have done to others.
We spend way too much time protecting people with fragile egos. If their egos are that fragile to not be able to process and understand that they make another person feel worthless, you really should not be working with those people. I understand the desperation for work, but your selfworth has got to be worth something.
Secondly, I have learnt to put everything in writing (you should have known this already, Ntha!) Well economics and Demography – maybe even LAN 101 sadly skipped those lessons lol. Or maybe I missed the lesson lol. But we learn from mistakes and I learnt this too late today. If you are venturing into entrepreneurship, darling put EVERYTHING in writing! Signatures on everything!
Thirdly, in everything that happens never play the victim (yikes! Yeah I said it!). Accept your role in all that has tumbled down. It is your life and you are responsible. Accept that you chose to work with those people. Accept that you did not follow all measures to protect yourself and your work. Accept that this is all your fault. That only you had the control over not letting this happen. Accepting full blame is the only way you can have full control. Your destiny is in your hands.
Lastly, do not lose hope. Some people do act downright unreasonable (at least from your point of view) but this should in no way take away your hope. Not everyone will act like they did. Simply learn and do not repeat mistakes. A mistake done twice, is, as they say, a decision.
I have had people call me heartless and an asshole on some occasions. It is factual that you will meet assholes along your journey. You may even be an asshole to someone along your journey. Whether you choose to call a spade a spade or choose to sugarcoat it in the name of professionalism or diplomacy is all up to you.
But hear this, before I tend to my own fragile ego, I take a moment to really process and understand what I may have done to drive someone to such an edge about me. At the end of the day I am human and prone to error. If I start making people I work with feel worthless because of my actions and decisions, then I simply need to check myself.
I hope you learn from my mistakes, so you don’t have to scream “assholes!” Either in your head or to your clients faces. I hope you take full blame and regain full control in your story.
I’m wishing you luck and light in your journey.
All my love,
Ntha
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