By Kalolini
Hair is my therapy.
What’s the first thing that came to your mind when your mind when you read the title? Bar hopping isn’t it? 😅
Y’all love things and I couldn’t be happier.
We ought to love good things that make us feel good deep within our souls. Things that make us feel brand new and ready to conquer the world. We were all made different and we have different personalities and like different things. That’s the beauty of life. Difference. The uniqueness of our hearts and our weird fetishes. I for one love escaping and feeling different. My superpower that makes me feel whole again is changing my hair. Weird, perhaps.
I know! Such attention seeking tendencies. Well who am I to deny myself the attention that I need to give myself. I feed my soul the food that it needs when it hungers. I quench my life’s thirst of fulfilment by changing my hair. I have had the pleasure of having relaxed hair, short hair, big Afro and even dreadlocks! The thrills these hair styles brought me are phenomenal. I’m going to take you through the 3 hairstyles I’ve had in the past year. My goodness. I am such a hair-hoe. Can’t even be loyal to one style. I cheated on my hair for a reason.
The Afro Girl
After completing uni at Bunda, I decided to cut my hair. You know, big girl things. Starting the world outside of college. The other reason was because my hair is really soft and some of it was falling off so the idea of cutting it was exciting. New hair new me. I felt grown up. I was 22 when I completed college and graduated a year later due to the whole UNIMA-LUANAR shenanigans.
Not to brag, but I have great hair. Okay am bragging 😂. On the real though, my hair grows so fast my friends hate it! My Afro grew so well and I was so in love with it. I would do zinging every night before bed. Wash it every fortnight if it’s not braided. I had all these natural hair products and Pinterest hair pins were all I had time for.
The only relationship I managed to keep was that with my hair. Our love affair would sometimes upset me due to shrinkage or when I run out of money to buy my regular shampoo and conditioner. I was still loyal. You see I can be loyal and committed. Watching my hair thrive gave me piece. Twisting it every night and styling it in the morning gave me joy. I was happy. However, life happened. My then boyfriend broke up with me and it hit me hard. This boy did a number on me and no he didn’t cheat. It’s a whole other story to be told over brandy and chocolate cake. I looked down on myself. I saw myself different. I barely recognized the reflection in the mirror. My soul was crying. I needed to get myself together. I needed a stress reliever! Alas! Hair style number 2.
The Dread head phase
I woke up one morning and told myself that I needed to let go of the pain. I needed to love myself again and be able to smile in the mirror and call myself beautiful and worthwhile. The fastest cure I thought about was my hair. I held my ponytail and decided it’s time. I smiled. Change was near. I could hear it’s whispers. I dressed up and found myself sitting in front of the mirror at the salon ready for change. “Temporary or permanent”, the hair dresser asked. I closed my eyes and heard myself say “Permanent”. Okay so we’re doing this.
I got dreadlocks done and I was surprised at myself. Did I really do this? I looked in the mirror and I was happy with what I saw. Me. Full of life. It worked! As time passed I began to love the dreads so much more. I had plans for this hair. I couldn’t wait till shoulder length and all those hairstyles I saw on Pinterest. The dreads made me feel like a badass. They helped me heal and I couldn’t ask for more. I forgot that I used to say I could never do dreads. I played myself and still somehow won. Dread head Carol was so happy and jovial again. Oh how she adored those locks.
You know, life has a way of turning it’s back on you when you least expect it. Yes you guessed right. I hit another pothole.
The Cut Life
My birthday was approaching and I was turning 26. Guys, life is a bitch! It reminded me that I was 26 in a few days with no job, no money, no man and still a spoon in the house. Some of these factors were bearable, like the no man part of me was alright. I had healed but wasn’t rushing into anything. Though all these save the dates somehow make me irk but it’s something I can handle. Mostly because I have things I need to achieve before making a big decision as living permanently together with someone’s son. Yikes! It scares me sometimes. Living with another human being forever. Mmmmmh.
What hit me the most was the unemployment part. I hate asking people for things. Can’t be asking for small small things like airtime for data. I was so depressed for a long time. My mates were all working with great jobs and buying their own cars. Most of them had moved out and were doing so well. Don’t get me wrong I love that my people are doing great things out there. I admire that. I genuinely support them.
Personally I have my own goals and achievements set and felt my time was running out. This wasn’t what I pictured my 26 to be. Rejection after rejection got the best of me. A few days to my birthday as I was picking up my cousin from school, I took a sneak peak of my face in the rearview mirror and I could read it like a memorized verse. It’s that distressed face again. I hid it pretty well from people but I couldn’t deceive myself any longer. I wasn’t well. I felt comfortable in my bed feeling useless and disappointed in myself.
The voices in my head got louder as the birth date approached. The only way to silence them was to chop off my dreads. I wanted to acknowledge the fact that things weren’t working for me wasn’t my fault. That I am good at what I do and someone will hire me. That maybe I should grow my small farming business instead and that things will fall in place. I took myself to the barbershop and chopped my 8 month old locks. It felt wonderful. Liberating. I know that I am dramatic and chopping my hair wasn’t the only way to feel better but I beg to differ. Chopping my hair worked for me. It worked. That’s all that matters. I feel better. I am better.
I hope you find what works for you. My hair hopping days have been phenomenal and I am yet to see how long I will be with this cut life. Frankly, I don’t know either. The magic is in the mystery!
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