First Payday Without A Paycheck | Post Employment

Yesterday was my first payday without a paycheck. I have officially been unemployed for one month now, and I spent the entire day writing YouTube captions, and making sure the links to my recent travel vlog were properly indexed in my blog and social media outlets.

Watch my recent 4-part vlog here

At risk of oversimplifying what I do for a living – I really left my job to become a ‘YouTuber’. A parent’s maybe worst nightmare.

I have been an entrepreneur since I was about 17 – about 9 years now. I have been a storyteller all my life. I have tried and failed/succeeded at various types of businesses. I have been a media entrepreneur since I was 17 (blogging) and 21 (production).

I got employed 3 years ago, when I felt I need a bit of a financial push, and well, I guess my daddy wanted to see his little girl employed – and honestly who can blame him?

Why did I leave my job?

I did not leave my job because I hated it. I had a good job. By good – I mean that it was not taxing (pun-unintended) to me in any way. Besides losing my creative side to the job along the way, as I was usually drained and tired, I actually appreciated how peaceful the working environment at my office was. It was psychologically such a healthy space, and I will miss that with all of me. I hope I can create such an environment for people who work with me in future.

I wasn’t sure how I would feel when this day came. For the most part, I felt (feel) scared. I am not sad about my paycheck. As a human being (while acknowledging my privilege), I try to not exist driven by the pursuit of money. At the same time, if I am being honest – the money was barely there, but having a job was some form of security – a cushion of sorts. ‘If everything fails, at least I can bank on this’. Losing that cushion has been the scariest part.

Do I regret leaving my job?

No… or at least not yet. I am a crazy creative at heart. I am not made for a 9-5 job. My mind is always all over the place and cannot be tamed to exist still in one space for a long while – especially when it is not at my will. Employment, though a great opportunity and privilege, was a prison to my creativity.

Still, I am grateful for the opportunity to have served my country as a public officer for 3 good years. Even when I am aware I did not give my all to the service as my heart was always elsewhere – I am honored to have been trusted with this very great calling and opportunity to serve.