Looking back at my life: I realise I have spent a huge chunk of my days defined by labels. I was a Malawian. A Christian. An entrepreneur. A leader. A woman.
I was always something—something that (had to) fit into a structured framework, something that signified belonging, something that the world could recognize and categorize.
As time passed, I started to feel the weight of these identities. The way they constrained me. The way they dictated what I should believe, how I should behave, what I should aspire to be, and often even who I could share my lived experience with. I began to wonder: who am I when I let go of all the titles, affiliations, and expectations?
The answer, I have come to realize, is that I am… everything, and yet… nothing. In nothingness, I have found an incredible freedom.
Growing Up in Faith, Questioning Everything
I was raised in a deeply Christian environment, spending a significant part of my childhood surrounded by nuns and sisters in the Catholic faith. Religion was the cornerstone of my upbringing—faith was not just encouraged; it was embedded in the very fabric of my identity.
And yet, even as a child, I found myself questioning the nature of faith. I was fascinated by the stories, the rituals, and the devotion, but I also wondered about the structures that governed belief. Were they serving as a path to enlightenment, or were they merely societal constructs designed to keep people in line? Constructs created by humans as capable as me, and perhaps humans who lived just as well as I have.
These thoughts simmered quietly in my mind for years, but it wasn’t until adulthood that I truly began to explore them.
The Process of Letting Go
Leaving behind an identity isn’t as simple as making a decision and moving forward. It is an unraveling—a slow, intentional peeling away of layers that have been tightly wrapped around your sense of self.
For me, it began with religion. As I grew older, I stepped away from the certainty that had been ingrained in me since childhood. I no longer felt the need to subscribe to a specific faith to find meaning. Instead, I found comfort in uncertainty, in the openness of agnosticism, in the acceptance that I may never have all the answers—and that that’s okay.
This shift for me extended beyond faith. I began questioning other labels, too—nationality, race, tribe(s), culture, even professional titles. I found that each of these identities came with expectations that, at times, felt restrictive. There was a certain script I was supposed to follow, a mold I was meant to fit. But I… I wanted to exist beyond those molds.
Becoming Nothing
The realization that I could shed these labels didn’t happen overnight. It came in waves—moments of clarity where I understood that my worth was not tied to any of the things I was called or the boxes I fit into.
At first, this realization was unsettling.
If I was not these things, then what was I? But soon, the discomfort transformed into liberation. When you are “nothing,” you are everything. You are fluid, adaptable, and free to experience life without the weight of expectations.
Being “nothing” does not mean a loss of identity. It means an expansion beyond identity. It means allowing yourself to exist in a way that is not defined by external markers but rather by the essence of who you are.
Finding Connection Through Openness
One of the most beautiful outcomes of this journey has been the ability to connect with people in a more authentic way.
When I am not bound by rigid identities, I can engage with others without pretense. I can listen without the need to affirm my own perspective. I can see people for who they are, not just for the labels they carry.
Recently, I’ve been having more conversations about spirituality, about existence, about what it means to truly be present in this world. The discussions have reinforced my belief that identity is fluid, and that true connection comes from embracing that fluidity rather than resisting it.
The Freedom of Uncertainty
The world often tells us that we need to define ourselves to have value. That we need to be something to be recognized. But what if the greatest peace comes from letting go of those definitions?
I no longer feel the need to prove who I am through labels. I am no longer tethered to a single framework of belief, culture, or professional identity. Instead, I embrace the unknown. I embrace the journey. I embrace the possibility of becoming something new at any given moment.
I am… nothing. And in nothingness, I have found everything.
In continued pursuit of identity and (life’s) meaning,
Ntha
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