Mentorship has been a cornerstone of my growth, both personally and professionally. Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead contains a chapter titled “Are You My Mentor?” that resonates deeply with my own journey.
Like Sandberg, I have never explicitly sought out a mentor. Instead, mentors have always found me, drawn to the work I’ve done and the passion I’ve invested. This organic alignment has been an incredible gift, one I remain deeply grateful for.
However, not everyone has the same experience with mentorship. For many, finding the right mentor can be a challenge. Sandberg offers valuable insights into what mentorship is—and isn’t—and provides actionable guidance for those looking to cultivate meaningful mentor-mentee relationships. Based on her wisdom and my personal experience, I want to share some tips for finding the right mentor.
1. Shift the Focus from “Finding a Mentor” to “Doing the Work”
One of the key takeaways from Sandberg’s writing is that great mentors often appear when you focus on doing exceptional work. Many people approach mentorship with the mindset of “Who can help me get ahead?” But the better question is, “What am I doing that would inspire someone to want to guide me?”
People who are potential mentors are often busy, accomplished professionals who want to invest their time in individuals who demonstrate commitment, capability, and ambition. Focus on excelling in your current role, project, or studies. Build a track record of results and a reputation for being reliable and passionate. Often, this kind of visibility naturally draws mentors to you.
2. Stop Searching for “The One” Mentor
Sandberg dispels the myth of the “perfect” mentor—the one person who can guide every aspect of your career. In reality, mentorship is more nuanced and multifaceted. Instead of searching for one all-knowing guide, look for people who can provide insight into specific areas of your life or career.
For instance, during my career, I’ve been fortunate to have mentors who guided me in entrepreneurship, international development, and business strategy. Each brought unique expertise and perspective to my journey. Approach mentorship with the understanding that you might need different mentors at different stages of your life.
3. Make Yourself Visible
While I’ve never actively sought mentors, I’ve made sure my work is visible. As Sandberg highlights, potential mentors often gravitate toward people whose efforts and ambitions stand out. Whether it’s through speaking engagements, writing, networking events, or contributing meaningfully to projects, create opportunities for others to notice your dedication.
If you’re in a professional setting, take on leadership roles or challenging tasks that demonstrate your abilities. If you’re still in school, actively engage in student organizations, internships, or research projects. The more you showcase your capabilities, the more likely someone will take an interest in your journey.
4. Don’t Ask “Will You Be My Mentor?”
One of Sandberg’s most practical pieces of advice is to avoid directly asking someone to be your mentor. That question can feel daunting and even transactional to the person you’re asking. Instead, seek to build a natural connection by asking thoughtful questions, seeking advice, or discussing topics of mutual interest.
For example, if you admire someone’s career path, reach out with a specific question about their journey. If you’re working together on a project, ask for their feedback or insights. Relationships often evolve into mentorship organically when there’s mutual respect and a shared purpose.
5. Offer Value in Return
Mentorship isn’t a one-way street. While mentors provide guidance, mentees can also contribute value. This could mean offering fresh perspectives, being proactive in your shared projects, or simply showing gratitude for their time and effort.
One thing Sandberg emphasizes is the importance of respect in the mentor-mentee relationship. Always approach mentorship with humility, a willingness to learn, and an understanding of your mentor’s time constraints.
6. Be Open to Learning from Different Sources
While traditional mentorship relationships are valuable, remember that learning can come from unexpected places. Sometimes, mentorship might not come in the form of a long-term relationship but rather a single impactful conversation, a book, or even an online resource.
Sandberg writes that some of the most influential guidance can come from people who don’t even realize they’re mentoring you. Stay open to lessons from peers, colleagues, or even public figures whose stories inspire you.
7. Know When to Move On
Not all mentorship relationships last forever—and that’s okay. As your career evolves, your needs may change. Sandberg encourages readers to embrace the natural ebb and flow of mentorship. If a relationship has run its course, part ways with gratitude and respect.
My Reflection on Mentorship
As someone who has been shaped by incredible mentors, I can attest to the power of their guidance. From those who encouraged me to start the Ntha Foundation to those who’ve supported my MBA journey, each mentor has left a lasting impact on my life. But I’ve also learned that mentorship is a two-way relationship, built on mutual respect and shared purpose.
If you’re searching for a mentor, I encourage you to start by focusing on yourself. Do the work, make yourself visible, and let your efforts speak for you. And when the right mentor comes along, be ready to listen, learn, and grow.
Mentorship isn’t about asking, “Are you my mentor?” It’s about doing the work, showing your potential, and allowing the right connections to flourish naturally. For me, that has made all the difference.
To my mentors—thank you. To those seeking mentorship—remember, the best way to attract guidance is to first believe in and invest in yourself.
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