17 Lessons from 2017

The way these years seem to be breezing by! I can’t believe we are already at the end of 2017, yet here we are.

I have spent the past week in my mothers house sleeping for 12+ hours (which obviously would piss off any african mother) and taking some much needed naps.

I am terrible at taking breaks and do not know how to rest, but I surely needed this rest. December was a teaching month, almost as much as the entirety of 2017 was. I have not had a chance to look back at my 2017 resolutions, but I will be contrasting them pretty soon as I have learnt now that some of my goals may have been slightly off the grid. BUT, that is life. We live, and we learn, and better now than letter.

2017 was a year of self-care, self-preservation and focus for me. This was a year for me and by me. In doing that I have learnt so much and will have even more to give come 2018.

Here are my 17 lessons from 2017:

1. Put God above all things.

Anyone who knows me knows that I put God first before all things. I am not a very religious being but I am definitely quite spiritual. I believe in God as I do in existence itself, and I know that if something exists, it must have a creator and that everything is in that creator’s hands. My creator is God, and I have put Him first in every single journey this year – to mould everything to His idea of perfection. I will be keeping it that way for a lifetime.

2. Failure is a state of mind.

This year I failed… a lot. To most, it may seem like I was winning. It seemed that way because I have a winning state of mind. Failure is subjective. I rarely ever fail because I choose to embark on every journey as a winner. I define my success in such a manner that the journey is always the prize. Journeys build you, and give you experience no kind of prize would ever give to you.

3. Family is paramount.

I love my family. This year it has been slightly harder to deal with my family as this has been the year I have had to stick out for my dreams… most times against my family’s wishes. I have truly had to balance going against my very support system while knowing that I will tumble without them.

4. There is more to life that the basics.

This is about the basic dream. Go to school, graduate, find love, have a family, settle down… simple, live basic. I have come to learn there is so much more to life than that. So many beautiful countries to see, so many types of careers to explore and 7 billion people to experience. There simply is more.

5. Self love is the best kind of love.

Possibly 2 years down my selflove and selfcare journey and I see myself growing and making progress each single day. The more I love myself, the more I draw myself closer to what builds me and the more I distance myself from whatever I find deteriorating.

6. Life is meaningless without purpose

I have spent this year trying to find why I am here on this earth. I can’t quite say I am there yet, but I am surely making progress.

7. Travel will change you

I have always dreamt of travelling. I always thought it would be dream and boy was I right. This year I conquered everything from road to water to air. Every single journey was fulfilling and affirmed my love for exploring this world. I will certainly yearn for more travel this coming year.

8. Solitude tests you every single time

Thinking of this, I remember myself alone wandering in the humongous Dubai Airport. Looking around at everyone, some alone, some with their lovers and others with their families. I have had many solitude quests but in that airport, I felt truly alone. I have never felt more empty and yet more fulfilled. My 2017 ended right in that airport.

9. You deserve breaks – as many as you need

Something I am still learning. 2017 has shown me that the more I go without rest, the more I become truly inefficient. Even when I do not feel like it, I have learnt to take time off.

10. My black is beautiful

Seems like every single black girl has to come to a point where she says this. Sigh. The more you experience being black, the more you realise how long black has been looked down upon and then you realise in the little details that it will take a minute to even affirm blackness to both black people and other races.

11. Representation matters

In line with blackness, I realise that the reason we tend to look down on ourselves is because we have not been represented. I am a black woman, an African woman, a Malawian woman, a sena woman, a tumbuka woman, a Manduwi woman, a Kalua Woman, a Woman and so many more things and I tend to realise that all other women/people that identify with me deserve to be represented. I know I deserve to be represented too

12. Take all the chances you get

This is pretty much self explanatory. You want to have no regrets, take the chances. You are better off regretting what was, compared to what may have been. I know that my riskiest chances were the most fulfilling.

13. What you look like matters

Yes this is about beauty, hygiene, fitness and all physical attribute. First impressions matter. True, all that matters is what is in your heart, but first impressions matter. You want to make sure that what is in your heart is perfectly represented in your outward appearance. If you feel like a boss in your heart, you certainly want to look like a boss on the outside.

14. Shoe-contact over eye contact.

Speaking of first impressions, you may want to take a quick look at your shoe-drobe. It seems like a minimal factor, but shoes tend to make or break an outfit. Even rocking the most expensive suit, if your shoes are questionable, they tend to throw the whole look off. Eyes tend to wander and rest on the ground. You want to make sure that they are resting on an exquisite view. A terrible outfit could have a chance of being salvaged by a stunning shoe. Cannot say the same for the opposite case.

15. Just because you can have it all, does not mean you should.

This is regards career, love-life, fun and all else. Everything in moderation and everything in its right time.

16. Even people who love you truly will hurt you

I always thought love would be the answer to all my problems. Lately I have learnt that even those who love you will hurt you. That love is not a security against being hurt. That expectations on people should be lowered. That we are all human, selfish humans and must be treated as such. It is okay to love, but keep in your heart that everyone is human, selfish humans.

17. How to say NO

Not everything deserves your time and energy. I know you hear this all the time but 2017 has taught me this through experience. Say NO. Say NO in your career. Say NO to your family. Say NO to boys that hurt you. Say NO to fake friends. Say NO to things that do not build you. Say NO to pointless drama. Say NO to unnecessary company. Say NO to a lot of things. Protect your space. Your creative space is your magical space, protect it.

I am wishing you a lovely 2018. I wish you love, light, kindness and warmth. I hope 2018 is the year you protect your space and grow, and I hope 2018 grants both you and I even more lessons.

All my love,

Ntha