He was standing at the door of his apartment, ready to usher us into his apartment.
It was May of 2017, in Lilongwe, Malawi. I had not been to this side of Ufulu Gardens before, and it was such a pretty neighbourhood. The tiled pavements, and the abundance of trees and flowers kept me distracted, as I was slowly taking the view in.
My supervisor at work had asked me to grab a drink with him and his friend at the friend’s apartment. I did not have any other plans for my evening, and this did not come off a bad idea. That was how we ended up at Ufulu.
His apartment was simple, but pretty. It looked much like a hotel room, turned into a house. He escorted us to his living room, and asked me if I could like some wine to drink. He served me a glass of red wine. I have never been a fan of red wine, but I appreciated the gesture.
We lost ourselves in a good chat and introductions, getting to learn more about each other. He eventually asked if we could all step out together, and grab dinner at what has overtime become our favorite restaurant.
I recall at the time being quite invested in myself, and trying to figure out who I was going to be. I was not looking for love. I was looking to make some powerful connections.
He told me about his political aspirations, and that he was about to leave his job to go and run for office as a parliamentary officer, for his community, Kisumu, Kenya. He was quite interested in what I was doing too. I am not sure if my vision for my life was as clear then, as it is now, but he sure took his time listening and pitching in where necessary. The clarity of my vision now may very well be attribute to the brilliance that has been his presence in my life for the past year.
I quickly picked up on his intelligence, and his being a Harvard graduate came as no surprise to me.
We stayed in touch for a while, but never met again till he left for Kenya to go pursue his dream. I stayed, and kept chasing what my heart longed for – becoming a writer.
I did not realise that much had passed, when he contacted me in December, to let me know that he was back in Malawi under a new job. At the time, I was in Phnom Pehn, Cambodia, and promised him that we would grab tea as soon as I was back.
I returned to Malawi early January of 2018, and we grabbed lunch at Ufulu where he was staying for the second time, as he awaited his house allocation.
I was extremely protective of my brand and my image, back then. I was aware that he was interested in me. He was totally invested in my dreams, offering his brilliant advice where he saw fit. I knew he was much older than me. I knew what it would look like, and I did not want that for myself. I did not want to look like I got with someone to sort out my finances. I was not going to risk ruining my credibility like that.
He was aware of my fears, and kept a respectful distance, even though he was always there for me, and always kept me a priority.
Months went by. I graduated from Uni in March of 2018 (after a year long wait), and I came back home to a lovely TV Screen he had bought for me as a graduation present. He said I had been wanting one, and was a fitting present for growth, and a new start as a University graduate.
We remained friends. I was always waiting for the catch – always waiting for the day when he would turn out to be two-faced, or conniving. I waited to see if he would ever hold over my head the things that he did for me. Months passed, and he was just there, being my person when I needed someone.
We got out of touch for a few months, till he contacted me in July of 2018. I told him I had gotten a job, finally, and that I was away for the month for training. I guess distance makes the heart grow fonder. We talked more, and became closer friends than we had in the year we had known each other.
I was finally on my way back from my training, on the 27th of July, when I alerted him that I was on my way. He had told me that we would grab dinner together as soon as I was back, and was in Lilongwe waiting for me.
I got in my first car accident alone at Nathenje on my way back. I was speeding, and trying to overtake a car in front of me, when I realised that I had made a gross misjudgment. There was a car on-coming at full speed beyond a curve, and if I did not swerve quickly, it was going to end up in a head on collision.
I did what I had to do, and swerved back into my lane, ending up hitting the minibus in front of me, and as a result being swerved off the road, into some branches on the side of the road.
I quickly stepped out of my car, as I struggled to process what had just happened, and take in the mixed reactions of the people at the scene – some shouting at me for speeding, and others offering a helping hand.
Two ladies stopped by, and told me that they knew of me. They said they were officers at my workplace, and would be my colleagues as I joined them the following monday.
I called my dad to let him know what had happened. He was concerned, but I assured him that I was handling it. He was in Mangochi, and I did not feel it necessary for him to start off at 4PM. I was not physically hurt. Not to my knowledge, anyway.
I opted to call somebody else. It was in that moment when I realised that I only had one person in my life, who I knew I could turn to, and be assured that he would show up for me. Call it a Eureka moment, but I finally started seeing the relationship I had with him for what it was. It was the purest form of love – gentle, and kind.
He told me he would start off shortly, and asked me for what I would need. I assured him I was okay, and that I just needed him to show up.
The Universe was clearly in my corner on that day, because my Secondary School close friend was driving by with her boyfriend, when they saw my car and stopped to help me out. We transferred all my belongings to their car, and locked my car, which was damaged mostly in the front. The headlights, radiator and condensor were all knocked out.
A truck stopped by, and the driver asked how he could be of help to me. I told them to load my car into their trunk, and they were open to that. We craned my car into the truck (thank God for tiny cars), and started off for Lilongwe. We all went straight to the garage, and we sorted everything.
He took me with his friend to the hospital, where they checked me for internal bleeding and all other injuries. I was fine, but my car was not. I was instantly carless.
It would have been a hell of a few months, had it not been for him. He sorted everything out for me, paid for a Taxi to take me to and from work every single day. On the weekends, he let me keep his car when I needed it.
For my birthday, he had the first of many bouquets of flowers delivered to my office, treated me to a calm and quiet lunch with my friends at home, and later a day trip with his nephew to the lake. I was slowly finding my zen and peace.
I was preparing for my book launch, and kept myself invested in that. Add that to the start of a new job. I was pretty busy, and kept myself invested. We spent more time together, and that was when we started getting to know each other on a more personal level.
Picture my shock, when he mentioned of his ex-wife. It had never even crossed my mind to ask about his past. It was within the space of a few months that I learnt much about him.
He assisted me as I prepared for my book launch, and was a brilliant sounding board.
My book launch was the best day of my life, yet. I had all the people I love around me. When it was all said and done, he picked me up from the German Ambassador’s Residence where we had held the event, and took me to dinner at Capital Hotel. I struggled to eat, as I still had much adrenaline in me – but I felt so much peace within me. I was here, I was home. He was home.
It must have been the end of September of 2018, when I decided to let my guard down, and give love a chance. September was the first time we kissed.
I have no idea where the time has gone, but it has been the most peaceful and greatest love of my life. We have had our fair share of problems, but have stuck by each other through and through.
I learnt way too many lessons in choosing love.
I learnt to listen to my heart, and not what people expect of me.
I learnt that what gets you attracted to someone, is not what makes love last. I was blessed knowing that it was his beautiful heart that drew me to him.
I learnt that what a person is within, is far more important that their external.
I learnt that peace and happiness are essential in love.
I learnt that honesty and respect come before everything.
I learnt that friendship in love is the greatest. We are pure idiots together.
I learnt that what a person possesses is nothing, without the presence of a good heart.
I learnt that good hearts are not to be used, but to be loved.
I learnt that love is not a goal, but something to assist you achieve your goals. You need someone who sees your vision, and propels you towards it.
I learnt the importance of being absolutely truthful with someone, knowing that they will accept you as you are. We know each other like the palms of our hands. We can instantly sense when the other is holding something back.
I learnt the importance of knowing someone’s love language, and honoring it. His acts of service always sweep me off my feet – when he brings me juice as I write; or picks me up from the couch to the bed because I fell asleep writing. The fact that he always gets flowers delivered to my office as little acts of “I am thinking of you”.
Everytime he travels, he gets me my favorite chocolate and a beautiful designer perfume. We have created little cultures that fit us.
I learnt that love, true love, is the greatest thing.
I learnt to trust life, to trust love, just a little bit.
***
I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for us. I am in no rush to get there. We are still figuring ourselves out, and supporting each other to become our greatest selves. There are still things about us that we have to iron out, and we make a commitment to stick by each other, through love, through friendship, and through honesty.
He is Chaguo la moyo wangu (my heart’s choice), baba ya watoto wangu (my future children’s father), mshikaji wangu wa maisha (my friend for life). I chose love.
Trust life a little bit. Choose love. Choose love for you, and love truly.
All my love,
Ntha
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