Posted on April 28, 2015 by Ntha
I was working on my business profile yesterday, and I kept thinking how much my brand has grown since I started out as a blogger.
I started blogging in 2013. Back then, I was dating my first love and he used to tell me that I was a little too obsessed with him and should probably consider getting some hobbies I enjoy doing on my own.
Of course, immediately I got offended – but shortly after I reckoned he had a very good point. I remember that as possibly the beginning of my being about me and my business.
I started blogging about my haircare routine, something I was very passionate about that time. I used to follow these blogs “Justgrowalready” “Journeytowaistlengths” as back then, balck women were still exploring with hair regimens. I like to think we sort of figured it out now.
Fast forward a year later, my boyfriend broke up with me and I now started blogging about my broken heart. i wrote a lot about how I felt, and it really did help me heal. That was the very time I go the passion for blogging about my truth.
A little while later, my mother told me my blog was very emotional. I know she meant it in a constructive way but I was very fragile back then and I ended up deleting everything and taking a break from blogging.
I then stumbled upon lifestyle blogging and I was obsessed. It was fancy, emotionless and I thought – this is exactly for me. I could post about the little things I loved without ever needing to war my heart out on my sleeve. Fancy, right?
I spent so many months muzzling my voice talking about what I wore, what beauty tips I had and all that. Do not get me wrong, it was kinda fun, but I really missed expressing my feelings.
That was the time I started looking into other bloggers – and i did follow all of them. Literally. You are looking at thisisess, kefilwemabote, justjoykendi, kyrzayda and so many more. I got so much inspiration from their blogs and I tried to recreate what they had, but I still was not happy. I still was not my most authentic self.
Years later, well we are talking about this so you know I am at my rawest stage in my career.
yesterday, I found out that Kyrzayda passed away. My hear instantly broke.
She had been diagnosed with cancer a little later last year, and she opted to share her cancer journey with her followers. My heart kept breaking every time I saw what cancer was doing to her body. We all felt terrible for what she was going through and sent prayers to heaven. through all the pain, she never lost fight. I admired her for that. The cancer never took her spirit and I was truly inspired by that.
I remember the day I saw her post about getting off chemo because the treatment was not working. Every post from her was almost a punch in the stomach. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like for someone to endure cancer. I knew she saw it coming. Going through her blog, I love she was ready, showhow. A part of me has always thought, that someway somehow, it is a blessing and a curse to know that you are dying. You have time to prepare, but I imagine the wait and anxiety is just terrible. A part of me was hoping she would beat the cancer. We all were.
When I woke up and saw a message from another person to her, on her personal IG, my heart sank so deep knowing she was gone. As Peniel perfectly said it – this one hurt God!
Man I keep thinking of the gap she has left in the blogging world. She just had this authentic thing about her. He images had this aura and I fed off her creativity.
The blogger world is grieving darling. Our hearts are broken.
It was through her and joykendi that I learnt about creating a business as a lifestyle blogger. They both quit their jobs to work as fulltime bloggers and I was inspired.
Her death got me thinking about the confused little blogger I was before I discovered her and a few more people. It took me back to this post from 2016 by 20 year old Ntha. I was writing about my dreams. I am kind of happy to be living most of these dreams now, thanks to Kyrzayda, among other people.
“I live for the days… – by 20 year old Ntha
I live for the days I see my mother smile
Maybe because I’ve done great in school, or have brought a smile to her face, or simply offered her a listening ear and a crying shoulder
I live for the days I see my sister happy. I live to know she’s happy, comfortable and healthy. I live to know nobody is hurting her and that she knows I’ve always got her back.
I live for the days I see my brother running up and down; excited and happy. I live to make sure he’s safe and that he never has to go through a day feeling helpless. I live to make sure he knows I’m always here, covering him, taking care of him.
I live for the days I see my father proud.
I live to make sure I make every single effort he put into making me a better person fruitful. I live to make sure I am no white elephant. I live to make him a proud and happy father.
I live for the days out with my girls. I live for the endless pizza slices and spice burns. I live for the timeless chats and laughter that makes my ribs hurt. I live for the sarcasm and rudeness that always arrives when it’s least expected and sends me crying with laughter to the floor.
I live for the days we turn up without a care in the world. I live for the stupid decisions and a million regrets. I live for the twerk moments and stupid dance moves we’ve created overtime with my girls
I live for the tipsy drives with my friends. The silly but normal conversations. The endless arguments and chilled days. The braii meat, the dares and dances.
I live for the days when I’m just so grateful. I live for the days when I just drop down on my knees and praise the good Lord for my life. I live for the days I can scream on top of my voice and glorify his name in the praise team.
I live to see the day when I have my life together. When I have a nice job, sweet cars and a luxurious home. I live to see the day when my business(es) are running and stable and I am able to travel the world as I wish.
I live to see the day when I am finally a mother. I live to see the look on my daughter’s and son’s faces. I live to raise them into independent darling kids. I live to give them the best they deserve in life, and raise them into responsible adults.
I live to see the day when the girl child is liberated. I live to see the day when I am not expected to do anything simply because I am a girl/ a boy. I live to see a world where everyone is seen as an equal in the world; and everyone functions and thinks like one.
I live to see the world; travel as much as I can, meet lots of different kinds of people and simply enjoy life. I live to be able to give the best to my children.
I live for the days..
That was me, dreaming – and here I am, living.
Grateful to people like Kyrzayda. Your life was shortlived, but it inspired many bloggers around the world, including myself greatly. You showed us it was possible – and our blogs henceforth are a testimony to your life.
Rest with the angels Kyrzayda Rodriguez. Heaven has gained a fashionista.
All my love,
Ntha x
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