By Temwani Mhone
In this generation being in a relationship has now become an achievement, and if you aren’t in one – then oh well, you are weird, and there is probably something wrong with you.
Talk about the peer pressure, when everyone else is going for double dates; and you are the only one helping them choose clothes, thereafter staying alone in your room and watching Netflix. Not only that ever been around couples and you are like the only one counting up to the uneven number, those awkward moments they are being flirty to each other probably holding hands while walking and you just right there pretending to be on your phone.
We are usually under pressure to get the right guy, but it seems the youth of nowadays most of them aren’t even close to the ideal RIGHT most girls want. Love has now been defined by the media, celebrities and even our peer pressure. I have come to understand that before technology came our grandparents had lasting relationships than we do now. Heartbreaks are common talk of divorce by married people. Cheating has become the norm and the cool thing to do and if we aren’t careful by waiting for the right one then we will be the next victims inline.
One thing I have learnt and has really worked for me is patience, I know the pressure is there and not to lie I had it. Mostly in University my friends would laugh at me when I tell them that I am not ready to settle for lesser than I deserved, well that made me single for a very long time, and it didn’t mean guys didn’t come to me but rather they were just not the ideal men for me.
I remember one of my friends even told me to lower my core values because guys won’t approach me (Some called me a catholic sister I still find that hilarious until today). But well I still chose to be different and I never got jealous of my friends who were dating nor did it ever pinch me that I was the old one out I still decided to wait and today am glad I did. You know most times we get hooked on the wrong person blocking the right one from coming. And if you are a girl like me who gets fully immersed in Loving someone then its so much better to guide your heart with all diligence. Be patient in your single hood.
As you are waiting be content and work on yourself, become a person that can attract what you want your ideal man to be. Once, my high school friend told me something that her had dad told her. When she told me, I didn’t fully understand but now I do.
He said the man you want will be attracted to the real you – in terms of your character, your outward appearance, your dressing etc, He gave an example that if you are dressed smartly, you walk confidently and have it together, the man who will approach you will be different, as compared to if you dress up shabbily and indecent.
To add on that, TD Jakes likes saying that we are all a brand and we are selling our brand and the people who will be attracted to us are the ones that are attracted to the brand you are selling, but the problem is most of us don’t know that we are in the branding business, everything we do, we post, we dress and all things we show the world even without saying a word adds on to marketing our brand.
Love doesn’t come in the package we all invasion, like Hollywood has taught us – how the He will be rich, and buy you all the presents in the world, or how everyday he will sweep you off your feet, and it will just be roses and candles all the way.
I have come to realise that Love is work.
I remember when I first met my partner. It took me a bit of time to really start liking him, although he ticked in all the boxes, I envisioned my Mr. Right to be. I was still patient with myself, and I am so glad that he was also very patient with me; because he had already started falling in love with me.
When we became close friends, I got to see the true him, how he always wanted to bring out the best in me, how he slowly evolved to being my confidant and how he wholeheartedly supported me in my craziest dreams (Although I haven’t even achieved them yet).
I saw how he believed in me, that he became the only one I was super free to talk to when I had the craziest ideas on many things ( something that most people wouldn’t even understand). He never thought of me as stupid, or just a day dreamer, but rather he always held me, and understood me even pitch in ideas.
Not only that, he always motivated me to study harder, to not look down on myself, and I sure become a better person everyday because I have him.
That’s just about me, but am still the old-fashioned girl I know many theories have now become very popular but I still believe in the man being the leader of the relationship (It’s okay if you disagree with me, this is just what I personally believe). I wanted a leader in my man, someone who I could easily trust to lead me right, and lead my family right ( I say family because Before I even met him, I decided that the guy I will date will be the guy I will get married to – I don’t believing in playing with someone’s heart all in the name of just having fun), through his hard work in achieving goals (because there are also people full of empty promises be careful with those ones, they will get you in a trap with their laziness).
I have also learnt that love is about building together. I remember when this guy was asking me out. He held my hands, and told me; “Temwani, you will appreciate a house you have built yourself from the foundation level to the top way more, than an already fully furnished house.”
Those words really hit me hard, and looking back for the past two year I can confidently say that me and him have built a strong foundation, and we are sure not done building our house building it, Spiritually, Financially, Intellectually, Socially and all other aspects of our lives. We know that we were both there for each other before all this came, and our commitment is strengthened. I am also sure that we will keep growing, and the years to come will be better than the current one.
I believe, at least for me, that I am able to create the Pinterest life style I want to have with my partner, and it all depends on how intentional both of you are to make things work and be happy.
We decided to enjoy our dating phase (the right way of course) so that when we get marriage, we shouldn’t regret not doing the things we would have done while dating. We also decided that we will enjoy our marriage, we will still love post each other, go out for dates, do photoshoots and so on.
We basically decided to enjoy our lives together intentionally. Intention is also an ideal thing in a relationship. We all choose to either trust our partners, or doubt them (Well this also depends on the character of our partner for me. If he genuinely Loves Jesus more than he loves me, then he is bound to be faithful to God first, and that sure means being faithful to me, so no doubts cross my mind, and most of the times we pray and read the Bible together then discuss that evening).
And since we both know our characters we eliminated some arguments that may arise for example we told each other to always put our egos on the low so it doesn’t mater who was the last one to text the person can still text again this is an example among many others and it sure has been working for us, another thing is we always communicate, we never keep things to ourselves so apart from being in a relationship we are best friends and confidants, we know each other more than other people know us and that has also made our bond so strong I believe.
Lastly, I would like to tell you all to be satisfied and content with where you are now, and to wait for your best, by becoming the person he will be attracted to. Be patient, and work on yourself. Be satisfied with your single years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
Wait for the person who will be patient with you, someone who will believe in you, understand you, love you for you, build with you, and become your confidant.
There is a poem that I really Loved listening to when I was single, and I think you guys might like it. It’s called “I will Wait for You” by Jennette IKZ. I took the liberty of adding the link so that you can check it out.
By Temwani Mhone
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