BURIED IN PAIN #mentalhealth

By Kate

In my country, Malawi, whenever we speak of mental illness we usually associate it with insanity alone. Yes, insanity or madness is the state of being seriously mentally ill but mental illness is complex. I personally feel that almost everyone at some point in their life has experienced mental illness. The most common type of mental illness are depression and anxiety. Psychological or emotional pain is one of the biggest contributor to mental illness.

PAIN!

Last year in December, my mentor lost his first born son; in my condolence mail I wrote ‘I cannot tell you that I know how you feel but I know that the pain is unbearable’. Most often we tell people that we understand their pain but in true sense we do not, because pain as much as joy is experienced and dealt with differently on different personal levels. I for one, as a human by nature, have also been through painful phases in my life. I do not want to tell you of the kinds of pain but rather of how I deal with pain.

In my teens, I used to run away from my pain and the more I did the more it turned out to hurt me. I mostly told myself that I was okay and there is no pain. And it may be the same with a huge number of people because mostly when going through pain you do not know who trust and speak to about it. So, as time passed, this resulted to me becoming fake, bitter, angry, resentful, pessimistic and finally it contributed to bad relationships with family and friends.

Long story short, I love reading Books and I feel very fortunate to have come across James Allen’s As a Man Thinketh. In his book Allen likens the mind to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must and will bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind. And right after reading that book I realized that I had been feeding my mind the wrong things, especially about pain that led to my misery. I later decided to read more on pain and I came up with three steps to help me deal with pain.

1. Face the Pain

The most important part of pain is being aware of how it is affecting your life. It is very liberating to accept that you are not okay, that the pain is unbearable. Because if we do not pay attention to our pain we find ourselves in an emotional conflict as I mentioned. It is necessary that we bring our emotional state into our conscious thought to make it easy for us to deal with. Denial is a major obstacle when facing our pain just like I used to deny my pain. Making ourselves believe we are okay and there is no pain. Being honest with yourself is the core foundation of facing pain.

2. Avoid making excuses for people

The one thing I have observed in many people is justifying people’s behavior. For example, if a lover cheated, you may convince yourself that beneath the bad behavior your partner really does love you and maybe if you can change certain things about you everything will fall into place. In the end burying our pain which eventually leads to more misery standing up to your partner and telling them how you really feel about their actions. Acknowledging that certain things have nothing to do with you changing yourself is vital in life, because you realize that your mental state totally depends on you taking care of your inner peace.

3. Heal

‘You do not owe anyone nonstop optimism. You are not a positivity machine, no one is. Especially not if you struggle with mental illness on daily basis. Allow yourself to feel how you’re feeling without hating yourself for it. You are human and we all go through negative emotions sometimes. How else will you learn to confront them positively if you suppress them all the time? You are allowed and you are still valid’. – Nikita Gill

Let it hurt, face it and then decide what you want the pain to do to you. Pain gives you direction, whether you allow it to hold you back and keep you stuck where you are or decide to let it drive you in a new direction totally depends on you.