Intentional Love | My 25th Birthday

I’ll probably never stop talking about love. I am making peace with that. I have gone through several phases of unlearning and re-learning. I still love Love. It will always be the centre of my world.

My desire for love is no longer rooted in my need to be validated. I hope for an experience more healthy, that keep us all going, and interacting with intention.

My 25th birthday was the best birthday I have ever had, and with good reason. There was so much intention around me. Intention I had orchestrated, and authentic intention from my loved ones.

Let me take you back to 2011, when I had just turned 16. I had so many great ideas and plans for my big ‘Sweet 16’, and it simply was one of the worst days of my life.

I’d sworn then, that I was done celebrating birthdays. After that – I would have a small acknowledgement of the day, and plenty wishes on my social media, and I was okay with that. I did not want to risk making any plans, or open room to disappointment ever again. No plan = No disappointment.

For my 21st, I had a bigger event – so to say. My friends and I had a lovely dinner, and got super drunk that night. It was amazing.

My 22nd was my lowest birthday – nearly as bad as my 16th. I was going through the lowest phase of my depression. I was unemployed, had just moved into a new house with no idea how pay my rent – and I didn’t even want to pretend to celebrate. I reminded no one of my birthday. I spent my day in my bed, with a few calls from my family.

23 was where things started to turn around for me. The man I love is huge on celebrations. He knew about my birthday, and was very intentional about celebrating me. At the time, we were only friends; even though he was very clear about his intentions with me.

At the time, I had not yet introduced him to any of my friends, because I was scared of what they would say. For context – there is an age-gap between my partner and I. He is also perceived to be wealthy by some. I work hard for myself, and I simply did not want to be judged or categorised as a gold-digger (nothing against the notion); simply because that is not my making. I have had a lot of wealthy men pursue me in my adult life. I am also privileged enough to make ends meet for myself, so pursuing a man for wealth is far from my intention. I am not very anxious about what strangers have to say about me – but I care a lot that my friends see through my actions and intentions.

I invited my friends to my house, but we quickly realised my house was too small to host the number of people I had invited. The power went off, meaning we had no power to prepare the food we had planned to have; and I had to give in to his invitation to host my friends and I in his home.

He came and picked us up, and my friends by the end of the day commended him for being a gentleman through and through. We had a lovely lunch at his.

That weekend, he took his nephew and I to the lake, for a small lunch celebration. That was the beginning of the love that is my life now. It was always the intentionality and effort for me.

Fast forward to 24 – he planned and executed a dinner for my friends and I. Earlier in the day, he was out of town, and asked my best friend, Wiza, to purchase and deliver flowers to me. At dinner, I was surprised to see most of my friends came bearing such beautiful and intentional gifts.

We concluded my birthday with a trip to Zanzibar, Tanzania.

It may surprise you to learn, that I am not the most materialistic person out there. My love language is acts of service. That would perhaps be seconded by quality time, and closely followed by gifting. I like gifting because it gives the people who love you a chance to show how well they know you. Now that I am able to afford some things for myself; I have to admit, it always feels better spending on others, and them spending on me.

My 25th year has been different – diverging from my partner being the centre of my world, to building more meaningful friendships, and being intentional with my friends and family.

I have gone well out of my way to celebrate everyone in my life this year; and they have returned the same warmth to me. I was in many wonderful ways overwhelmed.

I have been thinking a lot about how love must be intentional. I think it is important that we be intentional in the ways in which we love people; and this goes behind romantic relationships. I am trying to be intentional with my friends and family too.

This year, I wanted to have a pool party for my silver jubilee – but the Corona virus happened. I decided to not celebrate at all; but as you can expect – someone was not having it. I told him to surprise me instead – and as usual he did not disappoint.

He planned and executed everything with my baby, Nthangwanika – and I’m still a little bit blown away by all the goodness.

My weekend came full of surprises – starting with him planning a flight tour for my sister and I, as he were to be at work during the day.

From there, I came home to flowers at my door from him and Carol; beautifully coordinated by Nthangwanika.

I walked in to more surprises from my parents, siblings, and friends. It was just the most lovely thing.

He wanted to host my friends for dinner, but I knew I would be exhausted that day. I opted to have dinner with just him instead, and have my friends over for a picnic instead.

I didn’t want much for my birthday – just flowers and champagne. I had opted to be intentional in communicating the gifting I wanted. My friends however gifted me more – words, clothes, chocolates, wine, and more.

Card design by *William* (By Ntha Media Staff)

My friends showed up, and showed out.

Watch My Birthday Via YouTube

I just wanted, for now, to express my gratitude to my friends and family, for being so intentional in loving me.

Mom, Dad, Charmie, Nze – you guys are the best! Charmie – thanks for coming all the way to be with me on my birthday, and coordinate everything. You’re my whole life. Nze, thanks for your sweet messages. You will always be my baby.

Nthangwanika and Christina – it’s almost unfair to call you my mentees/staff, because you are so much more than that to me. There is nobody else I would rather build my empire with. I hope to grow with you, and see you grow into the magnificent women and brands you will become. Thanks for choosing, and loving me.

Marthayoshi, Wiza, Mpha, Carol, Nellie, Temwa, Bernadette, Chiko, Bruce, Godfrey, Irshaad, Zikani, Ben, Henock, (in no particular order), and all my other friends who I have not mentioned here – I am so grateful for the endless array of gifts, and ways in which you intentionally love me.

Dave – you’re the best man a girl could wish for. I am ever speechless, at the ways in which you choose to be intentional and loyal in loving me. It’s the purity of your heart and intentions for me. I appreciate you being a man of less words, and more actions.